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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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Ladies and Gentlemen...
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welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
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Hello! Come in, come in!
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I'm just making some Brown Bread.
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It's my mother's recipe.
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It's a secret!
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What do you want, Grandad?
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I'm too weak to get down the stairs.
Well, use the lift!
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I'm in the kitchen on the second
floor beside the swimming pool!
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Excuse me.
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Mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy!
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I'll get it... I'm sure it's Mick.
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Mick me arse!
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Now that's Mick,
the latest NEW boyfriend.
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I'm not even allowed
to answer me own phone now.
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I go to answer me phone
I get a feckin' rugby tackle...
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I don't get a rugby tackle
when I'm on me way down
to pay the feckin' bill!
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Oh, yes, and
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Mick is a secret. Mmm...
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he must be ugly!
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Oh, grow up, for God's sake!
Who is it, Cathy?
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It's a heavy breather.
I'm hanging up.
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Oh, no, don't... it might be your
Uncle Terry. His asthma is very bad.
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Oh! Hello?
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Ye dirty bastard!
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What did he say?
"If you can guess what I have
in my hand, you can have it."
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Gimme the phone!
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Hello? If it fits in ONE hand
you can feckin' keep it!
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Hello?
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God, Mammy,
you're well able for them.
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I've no feckin' time for them.
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I had one of them
on two weeks ago...
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He said "If you come down to the
corner I'll show you me willy."
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Dirty bastard...
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Never feckin' turned up!
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All right Mammy? Hello, Rory,
do you want a cup of tea?
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No. Are you going into town?
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Yeah! Now, don't you go getting
some girl into trouble.
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I won't.
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How are you, Agnes? Hiya, Winnie.
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Are you putting the kettle on
or what? Hang on -
I'm not on feckin' wheels!
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Can you believe it, Agnes?
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Your Dermot getting married!
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I know, it's all very exciting.
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Of course this will be your first
WHITE wedding, won't it, Agnes?
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Meaning?
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Well, your Cathy was married
in a registry office in London,
and we all know how that ended.
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Will you keep your
feckin' voice down?
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That's that dirty bastard again!
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Hello, Hornball.
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how would you like me to grab you by
the willy and swing you round the
room like a windmill?
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Aha... yes! Hold on, Mick.
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I'll get her for you.
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Cathy, Ca-Cathy, it's Mick,
it's Mick for you!
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Mammy!
I think we had a crossed line...
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there was voices and all...
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he must be in a train station.
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Hello, son! Aha...
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you looking for a light?
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Nice one, Mammy!
Hello, Mrs McGoogan!
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Hiya, Dermot son. Ah,
congratulations on your engagement.
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I'm delighted for yourself and Maria.
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You look tired, love.
I'll make you a cuppa tea.
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Why don't you lie down there
in the ashtray?
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What do you want, Grandad?
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Help me! I'm stuck in the lift!
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Cathy, are you still up there? Yes!
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No, you're not. I can fuckin'
see you standing there...
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she's standing there!
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Well, go into
your Grandad's bedroom and
get him out of the feckin' wardrobe.
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What's WRONG, Dermot?
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Mrs Nicholson is talking about
dropping in to see you. Oh, lovely!
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At last, I get to meet her!
She's very posh, Mammy.
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And so are we.
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We have a series on the BBC.
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I don't think she has!
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Yeah, Mammy. Maria's parents
don't know what I do.
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I just told them I was in PR.
I don't think they'd like...
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this!
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Anti-smokers, are they?
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No. No buts!
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No, Mammy... me dressing up
in costumes.
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I'm sure Mrs Nicholson
is just like any mother.
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Once her daughter is happy, she
won't care what you feckin' do!
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Really, Dermot, don't you
be worrying about her.
When she leaves this house
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she'll know that Maria is marrying
into the finest family in Finglas!
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And you're doing it the right way,
son, not like your brother Mark.
What was wrong with Mark's wedding?
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Well, Betty...
You know... it was a bit of a rush...
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She was pregnant! Oh, Winnie, drag
yourself in to the 26th century.
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So what? Look at them now.
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A lovely house in Finglas,
and a beautiful child in Bono,
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and Mark and Betty are
as happy as happy can be.
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Mark and Betty had a row.
She threw him out!
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Jesus - that the time?
Goodnight, Winnie. Come on!
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Jesus, Agnes,
I'm only after getting my tea!
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Mind you don't spill it
getting over the hedge! Goodnight!
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Is Mark still asleep?
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Yes. He was exhausted and upset
when he got here last night.
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I think we should put him on a
suicide watch. Will you stop, Rory?
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I took all the tablets out of
the first aid kit and hid them!
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The only thing that was in the first
aid kit was indigestion tablets!
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What did he want him to do...
shit himself to death?
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You can't do that, Cathy, can you?
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Goodbye, cruel world!
FARTING NOISE
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Well, at least my son
came home here.
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My door is always open.
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That's the problem.
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I beg you pardon, Missy?
He's a married man, Mammy,
he shouldn't be coming here.
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Should he not?
Well, that's funny. You're married
and you're fuckin' here!
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Now look, when Mark Brown
gets down here,
we all pretend we know nothing.
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Jesus, that's him now.
Everybody hide!
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No, no, no!
Everybody just look normal.
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Hiya, Mark! Howyeh!
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Hiya Ma! Hello son...
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good morning! Morning!
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Sit down there in Mammy's chair!
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Come on!
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All right, Rory?
BURSTS INTO SOBS
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You all right? Yeah, grand.
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Do you wanna talk about it? No.
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It helps to talk about it, Mark.
Believe me, I know.
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Shut up, you. Leave the child alone!
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Right, I'm off to work.
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Right, see you later, love.
See you later, Ma. Bye, love.
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(Say goodbye, say goodbye! What?)
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All me sharp tools are missing!
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Rory Brown!
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It was for your own good, Marko!
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I'll see yous later!
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I'll see you... I'll see you,
love... Have a nice day at work now!
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Ya feckin' eejit!
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Look at you! Diet Coke break!
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Yes?
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Hello, Agnes darling!
Hillary Nicholson!
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00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,880
What? Maria's mother! Oh, of course!
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I was in the area, and I just
thought I'd pop in for a pre-nuptial
chat, as it were. Come in, come in!
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Oh, thank you. Oh, bad leg?
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Yes, I injured it a couple
of weeks ago - skiing accident.
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I was on the piste.
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Drink - will we ever feckin' learn?
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Give me that!
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Would you like a cushion
for that foot?
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Oh, no, no, actually it's not sore
and this comes off tomorrow. Oh!
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Oh, wallpaper!
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Oh, how very...eighties!
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Well, the paper went up in '84, but
the border didn't go up till '92.
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Oh, I see.
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Hillary... what's your maiden name?
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Sheridan. I knew I knew your face,
John Sheridan, the clerk
of St Jarleth's Church...
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he was your father? That's right.
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Yeah. Nice man. Thank you...
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now where was I?
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Oh, yes, Maria's wedding.
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And Dermot's.
She's not marrying herself!
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Yes, of course. I just
wanted to have a little chat...
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make sure we don't clash on the day.
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You and me clash? Not at all.
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You keep your fuckin' mouth shut,
we'll be grand.
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Betty? Betty?
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What do you want?
Is my husband here?
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Betty, I wish you'd use his name.
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Mark... Ma-ha-hark..
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I didn't go through
a hundred hours of labour
and then forget to name him.
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Nobody is in labour for a hundred
hours, not even Agnes Brown.
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I'll have you know, I was so
long in labour on that child,
they had to shave me twice!
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Well, that's when he was your son.
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He's my husband now.
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00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,320
He was my son for a long time
before he was your husband.
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00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,920
So is he here or not?
No, but he'll be home shortly,
for a decent bit of dinner.
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Cook him as many dinners as you like,
but you tell him if it's a
wife he wants, he'd better call ME!
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A wife? Don't make me laugh.
It's a wife my son needs...
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not a fuckin' sample!
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Hello!
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Um, I think I'll just
slip out the back way.
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Hello?
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00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,880
Wait a minute!
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00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,640
I bookin' live here!
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00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,360
Go on, out... OUT!
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00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:52,000
When are you going to realise your
sons are grown men and stop
treating them like children?
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00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,080
As soon as they can find
themselves a woman that's
good enough to replace ME.
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You are one bitch!
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Look at me, I'm bookin' shakin'.
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Wagon! Baggy arse!
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00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,240
Ah, shag off!
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00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,080
You watch your fuckin' language
in my house!
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00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,200
And we all know your hair
is fuckin' dyed.
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00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,880
I thought that went well!
189
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,880
So Hillary... You were saying?
Ah, yes, yes.
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00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,640
Clothes for the wedding, Agnes,
I was talking about clothes!
191
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:29,920
Clothes? Exactly. I wouldn't
want us to be dressed alike!
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00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,560
Neither would fuckin' I.
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00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,760
Jesus, Grandad, come on.
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00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,600
Let's get you upstairs.
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00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,880
Why don't I make the two of us
a nice cup of tea
and we can discuss it?
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00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,320
you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Am I right, am I right?
197
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,040
Tea? Cup of tea?
198
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,440
Er, yes, yes... No, no.
199
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,640
Um, look, my outfit for the wedding.
I've had it put by at Harvey Nicks.
200
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,400
You're hardly likely
to be shopping there, are you?
201
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,720
No. But I have got me eye
on a beautiful suit.
202
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,520
I seen it in the window
of Marcelle's Boutique!
203
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,720
Marcelle's? Oh, well, you'd
need a mortgage to shop there.
204
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,800
Oh, then it'll probably
be San Michelle!
205
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,960
Oh, St Michael.
Oh, Agnes, you are so funny!
206
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,240
Amn't I... fuckin' hilarious.
207
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,880
Well, I mustn't keep you.
208
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,800
I need to get to the gym,
make some appointments...
209
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,840
as soon as this is off,
I'm getting back into shape.
210
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,200
What shape are you going for...
Balloon, is it?
211
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,240
You might like
to visit the gym yourself.
212
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,840
I will, when they start
playing feckin' bingo there.
213
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,480
I'll get you a cup of tea... Oh, no.
214
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,920
I'll get you a cuppa tea!
215
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:53,520
Oh, and Hillary,
thank you very much for the heads up
about the clothes for the wedding.
216
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,720
Yes, OK!
217
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,840
Just steer clear of silver.
218
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,520
Silver - you're wearing silver?
219
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,480
Yes.
220
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,720
She's wearing fuckin' silver.
221
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,800
She must be coming as RoboCop!
222
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,800
Was that not the door?
I didn't hear it.
223
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,480
Are you expecting somebody?
224
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,600
No, I just thought I heard the door.
225
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,400
Oh, a sample!
226
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,760
I need a size six.
227
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:04,080
Well, hello... if it isn't
Cathy's little secret! I'm sorry?
228
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,920
Come in. She's not ready yet
but she'll be down in a minute.
229
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,880
That's very kind, thank you!
230
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,880
Oh, sit down, sit down...
231
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,320
I'm Cathy's mother... Agnes. Hi!
232
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,360
Nice to meet you!
233
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,240
So tell me a little about yourself?
Me? There's very little to tell.
234
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,320
Well... where are you from? Wicklow.
235
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,360
Right...
236
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,280
And brothers and sisters?
No. I'm an only child. Aw!
237
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,400
Did Daddy have a low sperm count?
238
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,080
I'm sorry? Now look...
239
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,880
I won't beat around the bush.
Are you sleeping with my daughter?
Nooooh!
240
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,800
Get a feckin' move on -
she won't hang around forever.
241
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,440
She likes a bit of...
you know... pumpy, pumpy!
242
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,200
All right, Mammy! Hello love. Hello.
243
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,680
Excuse me a second.
244
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,040
Cathy, don't be so
feckin' bad mannered!
245
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,840
What? You just walked past him
like he was a perfect stranger! Who?
Mick, your boyfriend!
246
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,680
That's not Mick.
247
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,960
What?
248
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,240
That man in there
is not my boyfriend.
249
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:28,240
Well, who is he, then? I don't know.
You're the one
that's talking to him.
250
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,880
Excuse me a second.
251
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,720
Cathy... get rid of him!
252
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,320
He is YOUR problem.
You get rid of him!
253
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,320
I'm sorry about that...
there's been a mistake - yeah.
254
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:54,080
See, you were supposed to be Mick...
you know... and you're not Mick...
255
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,280
And you've no sperms.
Now look... wha...
256
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,280
it's...
257
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,520
my...get out!
258
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,240
I'm sorry?
259
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,960
Come on... out! Go on... get out,
out, out, out, out...
260
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,440
OUT!
261
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,400
Wait... now,
For just one euro a week. Son... Go!
262
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,360
Have you thought
about life insurance?
263
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,480
No... but I'd go for another kiss!
No, thank you,
264
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:27,240
"You should visit the gym yourself,"
she says. YOU in a gym.
265
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,120
Yeah... well I used to do all that!
266
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,120
Did yeah? Oh, Jeez, yes.
I used to do the...
267
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,160
I could tell you stories.
268
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,200
I remember I went to a
Turkish Bath once in Dame Street.
269
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,920
I was never so embarrassed
in me life.
270
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:46,000
Why? I went in and it was
all steam everywhere,
so I took off all me clothes.
271
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,640
I'm there in me nude
and when the steam cleared,
I was in a fuckin' chip shop!
272
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,320
Do you want salt
and vinegar on that?
273
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,480
Same again, Pet?
Yes, it's about time!
274
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,160
Have you got a minute, Mammy?
Yes, all the time in the world
for you chicken honey.
275
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,320
What is it, love? Mammy...
276
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:14,400
Have you ever wondered WHY
I never wanted to play
for Mark's football team?
277
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,120
I know why, love.
278
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,920
You do? I've known for years.
I just couldn't say anything to you.
279
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,240
You're shite!
280
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,920
You're good at some things,
but football isn't one of them.
281
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,440
Mammy, you never listen to me!
282
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,080
Rory, you can't even do
a feckin' headier!
283
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,400
There you go, pet! Thanks, Winnie.
284
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,200
Jaysus.
285
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,280
she hasn't wasted much time! Who?
286
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,080
Your Mark's Betty. Look!
287
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,760
Don't be jumping to conclusions.
288
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,600
It could be perfectly innocent.
289
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,560
Remember before we were married
and you accused me of
going off with your Jacko?
290
00:17:54,560 --> 00:18:00,480
Well, you told Esther Cowan that
my Jacko had a scar on his willy!
291
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,880
I did NOT say that.
292
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,080
I said it FELT like a scar!
293
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,080
This could be more serious
than I thought.
294
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:17,960
Oh, now!
295
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,000
Wouldn't you love to be her.
Who? Sarah Le Pippalyn!
296
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,120
Who? Sarah Le Pippalyn.
297
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,800
She was laid by 5,000 men.
298
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,640
Show me that?
299
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,640
Mammy, that's SAHARA PIPELINE!
300
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,920
Mammy, what the hell happened
here with Mrs Nicholson?
301
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,320
Nothing. She seemed fine when
she was leaving here! What's up?
302
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:50,280
Maria's mother! She's now talking
about having the wedding in Italy.
303
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,480
We couldn't afford to go
to the Italy for a wedding!
304
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,120
That's the point. She doesn't
want the Browns there.
305
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,800
You've made things worse! Look.
306
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,880
Don't you be worrying, son.
307
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,200
She'll come round, once she
calms down. Everything will work
out how it was supposed to.
308
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,800
It always does!
And Mark, Betty called here
the other day looking for you.
309
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,800
Did she? You should talk to her.
310
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,920
Ma, just leave it, will you?
No, I just won't leave it.
What's going on?
311
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,560
I don't want to talk about it!
Fine.
312
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,320
Fine. Well, if a man can't
talk to his own mother!
313
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,600
Yes?
314
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,160
I was offered a promotion in work.
315
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,600
A promotion? A promotion to what?
316
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,760
Supervisor. Ah.
317
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,440
Not an ordinary visor!
318
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,040
"Mark Brown: Supervisor"!
I turned it down.
319
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,800
"Turned it down..."
You feckin' turned it down?!
320
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:51,040
Well, what did Betty say about that?
That's the thing. I didn't tell her
before I turned it down.
321
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,440
For God's sake, Mark.
322
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,720
No wonder she's fighting with you!
You can't do that, son.
323
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,400
You're a married man.
It's not all just about you now.
324
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,160
It's a team. You have to t...
325
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,200
Can I help you?
326
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,800
Well, mind your own business!
327
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,920
We'll talk later.
328
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,440
You and me. Talk later!
329
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,800
Walls. Fuckin' ears!
330
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,520
So then, Rory.
331
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,520
Decided to stay on your tools?
332
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,600
Rory?
333
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,600
Rory? I don't think his name
is Rory!
334
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:37,920
Him Mark. Me Agnes. You Dermot.
335
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,480
Not Rory. Would you like
another go at it, son?
336
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,840
So then, Mark. Decided
to stay with your tools?
337
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,080
Yeah!
CLAPPING
338
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,560
Mark the chippy,
always one of the lads!
339
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,080
At least I'm not a thief.
340
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,080
You're the brightest in the whole
family. You could be anything!
341
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,520
Brighter than you?
I can't read, Dermot.
342
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,400
And I can't write.
343
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,520
That's why I turned down the
promotion - PAPER work!
344
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,320
Does Betty know?
345
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,360
No. How could she NOT know?
Because you hide it, Dermot.
346
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:26,680
I can read me name, or the labels on
things I use a lot, but paperwork?
347
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,200
No way!
348
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,240
Betty? What's up? Is Bono all right?
Well, look who it is.
349
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,360
What's wrong - no date tonight?
350
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,960
Bono's fine.
except that he's missing his father.
351
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,120
Tell him about the man you
were with in Foley's last night!
352
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:46,240
He's a teacher! Yeah,
what's he teach? The Kama Sutra?
353
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,280
Ma, shut up!
354
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,600
What were you doing with a teacher?
355
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:54,280
He's looking for a part-time cleaner,
and I've taken the job
356
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,560
and in return he's going to
teach YOU to read and write!
357
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,600
Read and write? You knew?
358
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,360
Of course I knew! Knew what?
359
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:04,280
Now come on Mark, come home.
360
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:08,000
Please.
See ya, Ma! What did she know?
361
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,760
Know what?
362
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,320
Dermot, what did she know?
363
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,040
I'll see you, Ma.
I'm going for a smoke.
364
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,200
Well, I'm glad
I sorted all that out.
365
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,280
Mammy? You're very early.
366
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,040
I've a fucking whole line to do!
Of course you do!
367
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:10,240
Once, that's all I ask - just once
I'd like us to be fuckin' normal!
368
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,680
Mammy? Hello, son!
369
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,080
Is everything all right? No.
370
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,560
I've made a balls of the
whole lot. No, you haven't.
371
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,040
YES I HAVE!
372
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,720
Trevor is gone on the missions
because he can't get
far enough away from me.
373
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,720
I've ruined Dermot's wedding.
374
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,240
I don't know
what's wrong with Rory.
375
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,480
He says I won't listen to him.
376
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,840
Mammy! Not now, Rory,
for fuck's sake!
377
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,680
And you.
378
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,400
I never gave you a chance
after your divorce, did I?
379
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,480
And he was beating you, wasn't he?
380
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:54,200
And you know, Cathy, when your
father died I was so busy just
trying to keep it all together,
381
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,120
that I never even bothered
to make sure Mark could
read and write.
382
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,480
I'm a gobshite!
383
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,400
Yeah. You are.
384
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,080
I beg your fuckin' pardon?
385
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,440
You're a gobshite, Mammy, because
you can't see what you HAVE done!
386
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,000
Now don't plamause me!
387
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:19,440
Mark left school when he was 12, sure
enough, but he was there
for eight years
388
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,160
and he never missed a
single day! Not one day!
389
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:27,800
Now, if a school can't teach a child
to read and write in eight years,
390
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,400
well, that's the teachers' fault,
Mammy. It's not yours.
391
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:33,720
The bastards!
392
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,520
Mammy. What?
393
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,520
Trevor is on the missions,
because he has a kind heart,
394
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,880
which he got from you.
395
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,680
Rory knows what he
wants to tell you.
396
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,000
He's just afraid of hurting you.
397
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,640
Don't be ridiculous.
Rory couldn't hurt me.
398
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,200
He's one of my boys!
399
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,040
And me, Mammy. Go on.
400
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:12,560
Mammy, I'm just like you! If you
don't like something - change it.
401
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,520
You taught me that.
402
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,080
So you see, Mammy.
you did a good job. Dermot! What?
403
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,120
Dermot, you forgot all about Dermot.
I didn't forget him.
You forgot Dermot!
404
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:32,480
I did not forget him, Mammy.
I just couldn't think of
anything nice to say about him.
405
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,080
Well, go on.
406
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:43,080
You tell me something nice
about Dermot.
407
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,760
Well?
408
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,360
He makes me laugh!
409
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:57,640
I know it's not a big thing
but Jesus Christ,
he always makes me laugh!
410
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,360
Come here, Mammy!
411
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:04,440
Oh, don't start that shit now!
412
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,680
I'm going to have to feckin'
toughen you up!
413
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,760
Cathy!
414
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,600
I'd be lost without you.
415
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,440
This last couple of days.
416
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,840
Goodnight, Mammy!
417
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,480
Wait a minute. I haven't
got fuckin' Venetian blinds.
418
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,880
Oh, Hillary,
thanks very much for coming over!
419
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,000
Ah, I didn't say come in.
420
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:53,120
I just wanted you to know that
I think your choice of the Ritz
Crown Hotel is a wonderful choice.
421
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,200
Well, actually, we are thinking
of moving it to Italy.
422
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:02,000
Yes, whatever happened to the church
fund the year your father
was in charge of it?
423
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,560
Did they ever find out?
424
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:09,280
I always liked the Ritz Crown Hotel.
Me too!
425
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,080
You take care now. Arrivederci!
426
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,840
Everyone has their little secret.
427
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,400
Cathy and her SECRET boyfriend.
428
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,680
And imagine Mark
keeping that secret all those years.
429
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,320
That's not right.
430
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,240
Oh, there's some secrets
it's all right to keep, like.
431
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,360
Your age, or your weight.
432
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,120
Or whether or not someone
has a scar on their willy.
433
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,840
But not Mark's secret. no.
434
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,240
Or the recipe for brown bread.
435
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,080
I must tell you some time!
436
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,640
Goodbye! Come on, Grandad!
437
00:28:10,720 --> 00:30:16,240
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,320
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
2
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,040
Ladies and Gentlemen...
3
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,560
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
4
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,240
Hello! Come in, come in!
5
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,520
I'm just making some Brown Bread.
6
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,840
It's my mother's recipe.
7
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,840
It's a secret!
8
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,400
What do you want, Grandad?
9
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,520
I'm too weak to get down the stairs.
Well, use the lift!
10
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,840
I'm in the kitchen on the second
floor beside the swimming pool!
11
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,120
Excuse me.
12
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,960
Mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy, mammy!
13
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,800
I'll get it... I'm sure it's Mick.
14
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,680
Mick me arse!
15
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:59,400
Now that's Mick,
the latest NEW boyfriend.
16
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,760
I'm not even allowed
to answer me own phone now.
17
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,320
I go to answer me phone
I get a feckin' rugby tackle...
18
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,160
I don't get a rugby tackle
when I'm on me way down
to pay the feckin' bill!
19
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,200
Oh, yes, and
20
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,440
Mick is a secret. Mmm...
21
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,840
he must be ugly!
22
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,440
Oh, grow up, for God's sake!
Who is it, Cathy?
23
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,760
It's a heavy breather.
I'm hanging up.
24
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,520
Oh, no, don't... it might be your
Uncle Terry. His asthma is very bad.
25
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,160
Oh! Hello?
26
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,800
Ye dirty bastard!
27
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,200
What did he say?
"If you can guess what I have
in my hand, you can have it."
28
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,840
Gimme the phone!
29
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,360
Hello? If it fits in ONE hand
you can feckin' keep it!
30
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,400
Hello?
31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,760
God, Mammy,
you're well able for them.
32
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,560
I've no feckin' time for them.
33
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,560
I had one of them
on two weeks ago...
34
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,600
He said "If you come down to the
corner I'll show you me willy."
35
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,840
Dirty bastard...
36
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,640
Never feckin' turned up!
37
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,720
All right Mammy? Hello, Rory,
do you want a cup of tea?
38
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,640
No. Are you going into town?
39
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,680
Yeah! Now, don't you go getting
some girl into trouble.
40
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,080
I won't.
41
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,920
How are you, Agnes? Hiya, Winnie.
42
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:32,120
Are you putting the kettle on
or what? Hang on -
I'm not on feckin' wheels!
43
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,080
Can you believe it, Agnes?
44
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,600
Your Dermot getting married!
45
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,600
I know, it's all very exciting.
46
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,920
Of course this will be your first
WHITE wedding, won't it, Agnes?
47
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,720
Meaning?
48
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:51,240
Well, your Cathy was married
in a registry office in London,
and we all know how that ended.
49
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,280
Will you keep your
feckin' voice down?
50
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,200
That's that dirty bastard again!
51
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,360
Hello, Hornball.
52
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:06,000
how would you like me to grab you by
the willy and swing you round the
room like a windmill?
53
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,000
Aha... yes! Hold on, Mick.
54
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,520
I'll get her for you.
55
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:15,560
Cathy, Ca-Cathy, it's Mick,
it's Mick for you!
56
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,720
Mammy!
I think we had a crossed line...
57
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,680
there was voices and all...
58
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,360
he must be in a train station.
59
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,120
Hello, son! Aha...
60
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,120
you looking for a light?
61
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,440
Nice one, Mammy!
Hello, Mrs McGoogan!
62
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,360
Hiya, Dermot son. Ah,
congratulations on your engagement.
63
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,520
I'm delighted for yourself and Maria.
64
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,040
You look tired, love.
I'll make you a cuppa tea.
65
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,640
Why don't you lie down there
in the ashtray?
66
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,400
What do you want, Grandad?
67
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,440
Help me! I'm stuck in the lift!
68
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,920
Cathy, are you still up there? Yes!
69
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,440
No, you're not. I can fuckin'
see you standing there...
70
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,000
she's standing there!
71
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,920
Well, go into
your Grandad's bedroom and
get him out of the feckin' wardrobe.
72
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,120
What's WRONG, Dermot?
73
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,560
Mrs Nicholson is talking about
dropping in to see you. Oh, lovely!
74
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,680
At last, I get to meet her!
She's very posh, Mammy.
75
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,360
And so are we.
76
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,360
We have a series on the BBC.
77
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,120
I don't think she has!
78
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,560
Yeah, Mammy. Maria's parents
don't know what I do.
79
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,440
I just told them I was in PR.
I don't think they'd like...
80
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,800
this!
81
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,120
Anti-smokers, are they?
82
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,320
No. No buts!
83
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,040
No, Mammy... me dressing up
in costumes.
84
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,480
I'm sure Mrs Nicholson
is just like any mother.
85
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:46,160
Once her daughter is happy, she
won't care what you feckin' do!
86
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,640
Really, Dermot, don't you
be worrying about her.
When she leaves this house
87
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:55,160
she'll know that Maria is marrying
into the finest family in Finglas!
88
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:59,640
And you're doing it the right way,
son, not like your brother Mark.
What was wrong with Mark's wedding?
89
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,920
Well, Betty...
You know... it was a bit of a rush...
90
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,800
She was pregnant! Oh, Winnie, drag
yourself in to the 26th century.
91
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,440
So what? Look at them now.
92
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,400
A lovely house in Finglas,
and a beautiful child in Bono,
93
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,960
and Mark and Betty are
as happy as happy can be.
94
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,760
Mark and Betty had a row.
She threw him out!
95
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,800
Jesus - that the time?
Goodnight, Winnie. Come on!
96
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,120
Jesus, Agnes,
I'm only after getting my tea!
97
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,360
Mind you don't spill it
getting over the hedge! Goodnight!
98
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,640
Is Mark still asleep?
99
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,240
Yes. He was exhausted and upset
when he got here last night.
100
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:40,120
I think we should put him on a
suicide watch. Will you stop, Rory?
101
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,160
I took all the tablets out of
the first aid kit and hid them!
102
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,080
The only thing that was in the first
aid kit was indigestion tablets!
103
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,440
What did he want him to do...
shit himself to death?
104
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,040
You can't do that, Cathy, can you?
105
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,000
Goodbye, cruel world!
FARTING NOISE
106
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,280
Well, at least my son
came home here.
107
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,480
My door is always open.
108
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,920
That's the problem.
109
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,520
I beg you pardon, Missy?
He's a married man, Mammy,
he shouldn't be coming here.
110
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,960
Should he not?
Well, that's funny. You're married
and you're fuckin' here!
111
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:19,600
Now look, when Mark Brown
gets down here,
we all pretend we know nothing.
112
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,800
Jesus, that's him now.
Everybody hide!
113
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,800
No, no, no!
Everybody just look normal.
114
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,320
Hiya, Mark! Howyeh!
115
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,640
Hiya Ma! Hello son...
116
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,640
good morning! Morning!
117
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,800
Sit down there in Mammy's chair!
118
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,280
Come on!
119
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,200
All right, Rory?
BURSTS INTO SOBS
120
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,160
You all right? Yeah, grand.
121
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,440
Do you wanna talk about it? No.
122
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,560
It helps to talk about it, Mark.
Believe me, I know.
123
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,640
Shut up, you. Leave the child alone!
124
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,320
Right, I'm off to work.
125
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,720
Right, see you later, love.
See you later, Ma. Bye, love.
126
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,640
(Say goodbye, say goodbye! What?)
127
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,400
All me sharp tools are missing!
128
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,120
Rory Brown!
129
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,960
It was for your own good, Marko!
130
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,120
I'll see yous later!
131
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,320
I'll see you... I'll see you,
love... Have a nice day at work now!
132
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,800
Ya feckin' eejit!
133
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,640
Look at you! Diet Coke break!
134
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,640
Yes?
135
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,360
Hello, Agnes darling!
Hillary Nicholson!
136
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,880
What? Maria's mother! Oh, of course!
137
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:18,040
I was in the area, and I just
thought I'd pop in for a pre-nuptial
chat, as it were. Come in, come in!
138
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,720
Oh, thank you. Oh, bad leg?
139
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,480
Yes, I injured it a couple
of weeks ago - skiing accident.
140
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,840
I was on the piste.
141
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,120
Drink - will we ever feckin' learn?
142
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,240
Give me that!
143
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,760
Would you like a cushion
for that foot?
144
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:44,040
Oh, no, no, actually it's not sore
and this comes off tomorrow. Oh!
145
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,400
Oh, wallpaper!
146
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,080
Oh, how very...eighties!
147
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,480
Well, the paper went up in '84, but
the border didn't go up till '92.
148
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,120
Oh, I see.
149
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,680
Hillary... what's your maiden name?
150
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:03,320
Sheridan. I knew I knew your face,
John Sheridan, the clerk
of St Jarleth's Church...
151
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,320
he was your father? That's right.
152
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,680
Yeah. Nice man. Thank you...
153
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,200
now where was I?
154
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,400
Oh, yes, Maria's wedding.
155
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,800
And Dermot's.
She's not marrying herself!
156
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:20,520
Yes, of course. I just
wanted to have a little chat...
157
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,840
make sure we don't clash on the day.
158
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,560
You and me clash? Not at all.
159
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,440
You keep your fuckin' mouth shut,
we'll be grand.
160
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,960
Betty? Betty?
161
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,640
What do you want?
Is my husband here?
162
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,360
Betty, I wish you'd use his name.
163
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,360
Mark... Ma-ha-hark..
164
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,000
I didn't go through
a hundred hours of labour
and then forget to name him.
165
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,680
Nobody is in labour for a hundred
hours, not even Agnes Brown.
166
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:53,840
I'll have you know, I was so
long in labour on that child,
they had to shave me twice!
167
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,840
Well, that's when he was your son.
168
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,760
He's my husband now.
169
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,320
He was my son for a long time
before he was your husband.
170
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,920
So is he here or not?
No, but he'll be home shortly,
for a decent bit of dinner.
171
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:11,280
Cook him as many dinners as you like,
but you tell him if it's a
wife he wants, he'd better call ME!
172
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,440
A wife? Don't make me laugh.
It's a wife my son needs...
173
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,080
not a fuckin' sample!
174
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,800
Hello!
175
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:29,760
Um, I think I'll just
slip out the back way.
176
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,520
Hello?
177
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,880
Wait a minute!
178
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,640
I bookin' live here!
179
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,360
Go on, out... OUT!
180
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:52,000
When are you going to realise your
sons are grown men and stop
treating them like children?
181
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,080
As soon as they can find
themselves a woman that's
good enough to replace ME.
182
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,240
You are one bitch!
183
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,880
Look at me, I'm bookin' shakin'.
184
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,120
Wagon! Baggy arse!
185
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,240
Ah, shag off!
186
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,080
You watch your fuckin' language
in my house!
187
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,200
And we all know your hair
is fuckin' dyed.
188
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,880
I thought that went well!
189
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,880
So Hillary... You were saying?
Ah, yes, yes.
190
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,640
Clothes for the wedding, Agnes,
I was talking about clothes!
191
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:29,920
Clothes? Exactly. I wouldn't
want us to be dressed alike!
192
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,560
Neither would fuckin' I.
193
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,760
Jesus, Grandad, come on.
194
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,600
Let's get you upstairs.
195
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,880
Why don't I make the two of us
a nice cup of tea
and we can discuss it?
196
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,320
you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Am I right, am I right?
197
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,040
Tea? Cup of tea?
198
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,440
Er, yes, yes... No, no.
199
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,640
Um, look, my outfit for the wedding.
I've had it put by at Harvey Nicks.
200
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,400
You're hardly likely
to be shopping there, are you?
201
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,720
No. But I have got me eye
on a beautiful suit.
202
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,520
I seen it in the window
of Marcelle's Boutique!
203
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,720
Marcelle's? Oh, well, you'd
need a mortgage to shop there.
204
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,800
Oh, then it'll probably
be San Michelle!
205
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,960
Oh, St Michael.
Oh, Agnes, you are so funny!
206
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,240
Amn't I... fuckin' hilarious.
207
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,880
Well, I mustn't keep you.
208
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,800
I need to get to the gym,
make some appointments...
209
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,840
as soon as this is off,
I'm getting back into shape.
210
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,200
What shape are you going for...
Balloon, is it?
211
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,240
You might like
to visit the gym yourself.
212
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,840
I will, when they start
playing feckin' bingo there.
213
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,480
I'll get you a cup of tea... Oh, no.
214
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,920
I'll get you a cuppa tea!
215
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:53,520
Oh, and Hillary,
thank you very much for the heads up
about the clothes for the wedding.
216
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,720
Yes, OK!
217
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,840
Just steer clear of silver.
218
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,520
Silver - you're wearing silver?
219
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,480
Yes.
220
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,720
She's wearing fuckin' silver.
221
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,800
She must be coming as RoboCop!
222
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,800
Was that not the door?
I didn't hear it.
223
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,480
Are you expecting somebody?
224
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,600
No, I just thought I heard the door.
225
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,400
Oh, a sample!
226
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,760
I need a size six.
227
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:04,080
Well, hello... if it isn't
Cathy's little secret! I'm sorry?
228
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,920
Come in. She's not ready yet
but she'll be down in a minute.
229
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,880
That's very kind, thank you!
230
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,880
Oh, sit down, sit down...
231
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,320
I'm Cathy's mother... Agnes. Hi!
232
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,360
Nice to meet you!
233
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,240
So tell me a little about yourself?
Me? There's very little to tell.
234
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,320
Well... where are you from? Wicklow.
235
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,360
Right...
236
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,280
And brothers and sisters?
No. I'm an only child. Aw!
237
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,400
Did Daddy have a low sperm count?
238
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,080
I'm sorry? Now look...
239
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,880
I won't beat around the bush.
Are you sleeping with my daughter?
Nooooh!
240
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,800
Get a feckin' move on -
she won't hang around forever.
241
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,440
She likes a bit of...
you know... pumpy, pumpy!
242
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,200
All right, Mammy! Hello love. Hello.
243
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,680
Excuse me a second.
244
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,040
Cathy, don't be so
feckin' bad mannered!
245
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,840
What? You just walked past him
like he was a perfect stranger! Who?
Mick, your boyfriend!
246
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,680
That's not Mick.
247
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,960
What?
248
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,240
That man in there
is not my boyfriend.
249
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:28,240
Well, who is he, then? I don't know.
You're the one
that's talking to him.
250
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,880
Excuse me a second.
251
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,720
Cathy... get rid of him!
252
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,320
He is YOUR problem.
You get rid of him!
253
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,320
I'm sorry about that...
there's been a mistake - yeah.
254
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:54,080
See, you were supposed to be Mick...
you know... and you're not Mick...
255
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,280
And you've no sperms.
Now look... wha...
256
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,280
it's...
257
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,520
my...get out!
258
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,240
I'm sorry?
259
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,960
Come on... out! Go on... get out,
out, out, out, out...
260
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,440
OUT!
261
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,400
Wait... now,
For just one euro a week. Son... Go!
262
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,360
Have you thought
about life insurance?
263
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,480
No... but I'd go for another kiss!
No, thank you,
264
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:27,240
"You should visit the gym yourself,"
she says. YOU in a gym.
265
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,120
Yeah... well I used to do all that!
266
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,120
Did yeah? Oh, Jeez, yes.
I used to do the...
267
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,160
I could tell you stories.
268
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,200
I remember I went to a
Turkish Bath once in Dame Street.
269
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,920
I was never so embarrassed
in me life.
270
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:46,000
Why? I went in and it was
all steam everywhere,
so I took off all me clothes.
271
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,640
I'm there in me nude
and when the steam cleared,
I was in a fuckin' chip shop!
272
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,320
Do you want salt
and vinegar on that?
273
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,480
Same again, Pet?
Yes, it's about time!
274
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,160
Have you got a minute, Mammy?
Yes, all the time in the world
for you chicken honey.
275
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,320
What is it, love? Mammy...
276
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:14,400
Have you ever wondered WHY
I never wanted to play
for Mark's football team?
277
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,120
I know why, love.
278
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,920
You do? I've known for years.
I just couldn't say anything to you.
279
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,240
You're shite!
280
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,920
You're good at some things,
but football isn't one of them.
281
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,440
Mammy, you never listen to me!
282
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,080
Rory, you can't even do
a feckin' headier!
283
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,400
There you go, pet! Thanks, Winnie.
284
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,200
Jaysus.
285
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,280
she hasn't wasted much time! Who?
286
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,080
Your Mark's Betty. Look!
287
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,760
Don't be jumping to conclusions.
288
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,600
It could be perfectly innocent.
289
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,560
Remember before we were married
and you accused me of
going off with your Jacko?
290
00:17:54,560 --> 00:18:00,480
Well, you told Esther Cowan that
my Jacko had a scar on his willy!
291
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,880
I did NOT say that.
292
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,080
I said it FELT like a scar!
293
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,080
This could be more serious
than I thought.
294
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:17,960
Oh, now!
295
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,000
Wouldn't you love to be her.
Who? Sarah Le Pippalyn!
296
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,120
Who? Sarah Le Pippalyn.
297
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,800
She was laid by 5,000 men.
298
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,640
Show me that?
299
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,640
Mammy, that's SAHARA PIPELINE!
300
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,920
Mammy, what the hell happened
here with Mrs Nicholson?
301
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,320
Nothing. She seemed fine when
she was leaving here! What's up?
302
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:50,280
Maria's mother! She's now talking
about having the wedding in Italy.
303
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,480
We couldn't afford to go
to the Italy for a wedding!
304
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,120
That's the point. She doesn't
want the Browns there.
305
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,800
You've made things worse! Look.
306
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,880
Don't you be worrying, son.
307
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,200
She'll come round, once she
calms down. Everything will work
out how it was supposed to.
308
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,800
It always does!
And Mark, Betty called here
the other day looking for you.
309
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,800
Did she? You should talk to her.
310
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,920
Ma, just leave it, will you?
No, I just won't leave it.
What's going on?
311
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,560
I don't want to talk about it!
Fine.
312
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,320
Fine. Well, if a man can't
talk to his own mother!
313
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,600
Yes?
314
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,160
I was offered a promotion in work.
315
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,600
A promotion? A promotion to what?
316
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,760
Supervisor. Ah.
317
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,440
Not an ordinary visor!
318
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,040
"Mark Brown: Supervisor"!
I turned it down.
319
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,800
"Turned it down..."
You feckin' turned it down?!
320
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:51,040
Well, what did Betty say about that?
That's the thing. I didn't tell her
before I turned it down.
321
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,440
For God's sake, Mark.
322
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,720
No wonder she's fighting with you!
You can't do that, son.
323
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,400
You're a married man.
It's not all just about you now.
324
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:03,160
It's a team. You have to t...
325
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,200
Can I help you?
326
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,800
Well, mind your own business!
327
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,920
We'll talk later.
328
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,440
You and me. Talk later!
329
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,800
Walls. Fuckin' ears!
330
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,520
So then, Rory.
331
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,520
Decided to stay on your tools?
332
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,600
Rory?
333
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,600
Rory? I don't think his name
is Rory!
334
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:37,920
Him Mark. Me Agnes. You Dermot.
335
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,480
Not Rory. Would you like
another go at it, son?
336
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,840
So then, Mark. Decided
to stay with your tools?
337
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:56,080
Yeah!
CLAPPING
338
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,560
Mark the chippy,
always one of the lads!
339
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,080
At least I'm not a thief.
340
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,080
You're the brightest in the whole
family. You could be anything!
341
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,520
Brighter than you?
I can't read, Dermot.
342
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,400
And I can't write.
343
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,520
That's why I turned down the
promotion - PAPER work!
344
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,320
Does Betty know?
345
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,360
No. How could she NOT know?
Because you hide it, Dermot.
346
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:26,680
I can read me name, or the labels on
things I use a lot, but paperwork?
347
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,200
No way!
348
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,240
Betty? What's up? Is Bono all right?
Well, look who it is.
349
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,360
What's wrong - no date tonight?
350
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,960
Bono's fine.
except that he's missing his father.
351
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,120
Tell him about the man you
were with in Foley's last night!
352
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:46,240
He's a teacher! Yeah,
what's he teach? The Kama Sutra?
353
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,280
Ma, shut up!
354
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,600
What were you doing with a teacher?
355
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:54,280
He's looking for a part-time cleaner,
and I've taken the job
356
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,560
and in return he's going to
teach YOU to read and write!
357
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,600
Read and write? You knew?
358
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,360
Of course I knew! Knew what?
359
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:04,280
Now come on Mark, come home.
360
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:08,000
Please.
See ya, Ma! What did she know?
361
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,760
Know what?
362
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,320
Dermot, what did she know?
363
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,040
I'll see you, Ma.
I'm going for a smoke.
364
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,200
Well, I'm glad
I sorted all that out.
365
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,280
Mammy? You're very early.
366
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,040
I've a fucking whole line to do!
Of course you do!
367
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:10,240
Once, that's all I ask - just once
I'd like us to be fuckin' normal!
368
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,680
Mammy? Hello, son!
369
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,080
Is everything all right? No.
370
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,560
I've made a balls of the
whole lot. No, you haven't.
371
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,040
YES I HAVE!
372
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,720
Trevor is gone on the missions
because he can't get
far enough away from me.
373
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,720
I've ruined Dermot's wedding.
374
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,240
I don't know
what's wrong with Rory.
375
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,480
He says I won't listen to him.
376
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,840
Mammy! Not now, Rory,
for fuck's sake!
377
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,680
And you.
378
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,400
I never gave you a chance
after your divorce, did I?
379
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,480
And he was beating you, wasn't he?
380
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:54,200
And you know, Cathy, when your
father died I was so busy just
trying to keep it all together,
381
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,120
that I never even bothered
to make sure Mark could
read and write.
382
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,480
I'm a gobshite!
383
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,400
Yeah. You are.
384
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,080
I beg your fuckin' pardon?
385
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,440
You're a gobshite, Mammy, because
you can't see what you HAVE done!
386
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,000
Now don't plamause me!
387
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:19,440
Mark left school when he was 12, sure
enough, but he was there
for eight years
388
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,160
and he never missed a
single day! Not one day!
389
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:27,800
Now, if a school can't teach a child
to read and write in eight years,
390
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,400
well, that's the teachers' fault,
Mammy. It's not yours.
391
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:33,720
The bastards!
392
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,520
Mammy. What?
393
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,520
Trevor is on the missions,
because he has a kind heart,
394
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,880
which he got from you.
395
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,680
Rory knows what he
wants to tell you.
396
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,000
He's just afraid of hurting you.
397
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,640
Don't be ridiculous.
Rory couldn't hurt me.
398
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,200
He's one of my boys!
399
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,040
And me, Mammy. Go on.
400
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:12,560
Mammy, I'm just like you! If you
don't like something - change it.
401
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,520
You taught me that.
402
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,080
So you see, Mammy.
you did a good job. Dermot! What?
403
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,120
Dermot, you forgot all about Dermot.
I didn't forget him.
You forgot Dermot!
404
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:32,480
I did not forget him, Mammy.
I just couldn't think of
anything nice to say about him.
405
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,080
Well, go on.
406
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:43,080
You tell me something nice
about Dermot.
407
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,760
Well?
408
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,360
He makes me laugh!
409
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:57,640
I know it's not a big thing
but Jesus Christ,
he always makes me laugh!
410
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,360
Come here, Mammy!
411
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:04,440
Oh, don't start that shit now!
412
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,680
I'm going to have to feckin'
toughen you up!
413
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,760
Cathy!
414
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,600
I'd be lost without you.
415
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,440
This last couple of days.
416
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,840
Goodnight, Mammy!
417
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,480
Wait a minute. I haven't
got fuckin' Venetian blinds.
418
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,880
Oh, Hillary,
thanks very much for coming over!
419
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,000
Ah, I didn't say come in.
420
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:53,120
I just wanted you to know that
I think your choice of the Ritz
Crown Hotel is a wonderful choice.
421
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,200
Well, actually, we are thinking
of moving it to Italy.
422
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:02,000
Yes, whatever happened to the church
fund the year your father
was in charge of it?
423
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,560
Did they ever find out?
424
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:09,280
I always liked the Ritz Crown Hotel.
Me too!
425
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,080
You take care now. Arrivederci!
426
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,840
Everyone has their little secret.
427
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,400
Cathy and her SECRET boyfriend.
428
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,680
And imagine Mark
keeping that secret all those years.
429
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,320
That's not right.
430
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,240
Oh, there's some secrets
it's all right to keep, like.
431
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,360
Your age, or your weight.
432
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,120
Or whether or not someone
has a scar on their willy.
433
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,840
But not Mark's secret. no.
434
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,240
Or the recipe for brown bread.
435
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,080
I must tell you some time!
436
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,640
Goodbye! Come on, Grandad!
437
00:28:10,720 --> 00:30:16,240
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